Fallout:Naruto Hates Nuclear Physics
by RandyKaguyaofthewasteland
Summary: What if a large number of mini nukes went off at the same time naruto destroyed the Star from the filler arc. What if a portal opened sucked in Naruto, Hokuto and Tenten. would they survive, how will they get back, maybe the lone wanderer can help.


**Fallout:Naruto Hates Nuclear Physics : Chapter 1 how it began**

"**Hello I'm Randy Kaguya of the Wastes, and I'm glad to say that after years of reading fanfiction I'm finally contributing. I appreciate reviews and constructive criticism. Flamers know that you will be flamed back, and that nothing people who I'll never meet face to face say will ever hurt me.**

"**Now I hope that everyone can give me some feedback on the first chapter since I need to know where I stand on my writing skills. Also due to lack of time my profile is pretty much unfinished. I can't promise frequent updates but I will try to release a chapter at least once a month (no promises since I may be moving). Now for the Disclaimer."**

**Randy Kaguya walked out. In the distance someone screamed "No, stay away, someone get me out here. Zetsu, Madara, Naruto, Anyone for love of god help me aaaahhh… Randy Kaguya dragged Sasuke uchiha into the room by a chain tied to spikes implanted in his forearms. Randy removed the chains and untied Sasuke's legs. "Alright Sasuke all you need to do to earn your freedom is read this disclaimer and I'll… "No, screw you, Madara will be here any minute to free me, then you'll be sorry." Sasuke yelled hysterically.**

**Randy looked at Sasuke and said with pity in his voice "unfortunately Madara is going to be far too busy to help you. You see he has a widely unknown fetish for blond girls in red Antivan leather boots and Tops, who are also wearing short business skirts with vertical red and black stripes, and frilly white laced underwear. I bribed one such girl to keep him occupied for the next month or so. Now are you going to read this or do you need another few days alone with pre devil fruit Alvida." **

**Sasuke began to shake but took the paper " R-R-Randy Kaguya d-does not own Naruto, One Piece, and claymore o-o-or any Fallout or D-Dragon Age Origin game e-elements as of this time. He does own an a-apartment situated inside a mental ward with a l-lovely view of the cafeteria." He said. He turned to Randy "I can go now right" Randy nodded "yeah I guess so, hears directions to the exit. Watch out for a blond girl with silver eyes and her hair braided, she's as obsessed with blood as Garra used to be. Here are your belongings." Sasuke ran out the door. "on with the show".**

People talking "pass the Ketchup"

People thinking

**Rivet City Market 11:20 AM**

"_It's good to be back in the Capital wasteland." _thought Randy Kaguya A.K.A. the lone wander. He had just returned from a short stay in point lookout (a Florida equivalent to the C.W.) were he'd gathered a number of new weapons which he had to drop off in his megaton house before returning.

He'd decided to head to rivet city first so he could get a decent bowl of noodles _"thank god Gary's open to suggestion, a few extra caps heel make them however I like."_

As Randy walked through the market area he waved to Flak and said "hey Flak, I just got back from the south. I found some weapons down there you might be interested in. I'll come over after I grab a bite to eat."

"New weapons, great I was hoping to expand my inventory, they'd better be in good condition." Flak yelled back.

Randy laughed continued on to Gary's Gallery and approached Angela Staley "Hey Angela how have things been lately." he said with a friendly tone. Angela turned around and said "Hi Randy things have been good. Where have you been by the way, you're usually her at least twice a week?" Randy took a seat and leaned back "I went down south and to find some woman's daughter but found a bit too many souvenirs to keep carrying around. After I eat and trade with Flak I'm heading to megaton to store it all before I head back. Ask your father to whip me up a bowl noodles with sliced up Punga fruit and Murelack meat mixed in." he said handing her fifty caps.

"Ok Rand." Angela said moving off to tell her father. Randy noticed doctor Zimmer and his lackey walking toward him and sighed in annoyance.

"Hello my good man, Tell me have you discovered the identity of android 2A3 yet." He questioned hopefully. Randy looked up into his face and responded "No I haven't, I've been busy down south, I'll get to it after I take care of some things." Zimmer frowned Now listen my good fellow I'm a busy man, I demand you see to this at once." He said impudently.

Randy's eyes became dark at this, and he stood up to his full height of 6 feet 5 inches. "Now listen I'm going out of my way and against my own set of ethnics to find your android. If I decide that I have more important things to do, then I'll do them first, are we clear." Randy stated threateningly. Zimmer took a step back and responded shakily "Y-yes I only meant to ensure you understand the importance of finding it quickly. Sorry to bother you, come along Armitage.

Randy sat back down, and a minute later Angela put a steaming bowl of hot noodles if front of Randy. He thanked her and dug into the meal, he'd only eaten half when his pip boy picked up a signal from Galaxy News Radio. He made to turn it off "Wait leave it on, are radios broke so we haven't been able listen to it anymore." Angela stated quickly. Randy opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Christie Young who sat a nearby table "yes please do." she said with an endearing smile. Diego sat down across from him "I would like to hear it as well." Randy shrugged turn the volume up and went back to eating.

Galaxy News Radio "Hello Wasteland, This is Galaxy News Radio, and I'm your DJ Three Dog. What's a DJ? Hell if I know, but I'm Gonne keep talking anyway. Now I've recently learned that the lone wanderer has returned from his trip to misty and murky shores of point lookout." _"Wow that was fast" _Randy thought. "Now that some timing he has because I just been informed by the Brotherhood of Steel that their former members the Brotherhood Outcasts have reported seeing a large group of Super Mutants heading south toward Bigtown, and Megaton."

"Now normally the Brotherhood Outcast doesn't get involved in the good fight, but apparently when one of their northern scavenging teams happened upon a large group of Super Mutants they were so alarmed at the size that they felt the need to warn their former brethren of the impending threat. In particular they were shocked to see a Behemoth among the many various Super Mutants that made up this deadly group.

"_A Behemoth, those ugly brutes are the deadliest monsters in the wasteland."_ Randy thought worriedly. The transmission _had_ now gainedthe attention of the entire market, with Angela and Cindy Cantelli leaning over his shoulders and the rest surrounding his table, some even pulling up chairs. "Now for those of you who have never had the misfortune to run into a Behemoth before let me tell you they aren't your average super mutants. These bad boys can stand almost 3 meters tall, and can take more punishment than anything else in the wasteland. Unfortunately we don't know exactly how many Super Mutants there are but from the size of this marauding caravan of death they estimate over 25 Super Mutants. The Brotherhood of Steel is willing to pay the lone wanderer 2 thousand caps if heel lead a group of paladins and anyone else he can find to take care of this Super Mutant army of the north. Now o to oth…"

Randy Turned the radio off, "Thanks for meal Gary." he said as he stood up and moved toward the exit. "Wait where are you going?" Gary called worriedly. Randy turned and yelled over his shoulder "I'm off to make a large pile of Super Mutant corpses." He continued on his way when stopped by Angela and Diego. "Randy you can't try and take on those super mutants it's just crazy, no one but the Brotherhood would stand a chance." Angela Stated in a panicked voice. "My Friend I think you should reconsider this, it is foolhardy to think that you could fight such a large band of those green abominations and survive." Diego said hoping to reason with his friend.

Randy turned around and put a hand on both of their shoulders "Listen I'll be fine, I've got this new Combat robot I bought from a merchant I met outside some robot factory. Besides I should be able to get a few Brotherhood of Steel members to aide me, so don't worry, plus I've have friends in Bigtown I can't just stand around let um die." Diego nodded while Angela sighed and said "Alright just comeback in one piece." With that Randy Turned and left already thinking about what he'd need to do to prepare for the battle ahead.

**Outside Jefferson memorial 11:43 AM**

5 Minutes later Randy was walking toward the entrance of the Jefferson Memorial when a mechanical voice rang out "halt this area is under the control and protection of… oh hello Master. I did not expect your return for well over a week." Randy took a few more steps before he stopped. "Hello Sergeant RL-3, something more important than guarding project purity has come up, you up for decimating a platoon of tougher than normal Super Mutants?" Randy said with a smile. Sergeant RL-3 paused before answering in a neutral tone "Sir while I do enjoy exterminate those Barbaric Monstrosities with extreme Prejudice, I must point out that to face as many as you suggest with the two of us would be a detrimental tactical error."

Randy frowned, and answered crossly "You think I don't know that? We'll hopefully be picking up some paladins from the Brotherhood of Steel before we engage. Now come on I'd like to finish my pile of corpses before nightfall." He finished turning and walking away. "Yes Sir." Sergeant RL-3 responded.

**Citadel 1:05 PM**

Randy was following a Brotherhood Scribe named Rothchild to meet with elder Lyons who was apparently the leader of the Brotherhood of Steel. As they walked up Lyons turned around and smiled before saying "Hello Rothchild and you must be the lone wanderer that we've been hearing about for the last several months." Randy smiled back and said "yup that's me; my names Randy Kaguya, pleasure meet you." "It's a pleasure to meet you as well, now let's get down to business." Lyons said adopting a serious tone near the end. He led Randy over to a ruff drawn map of the Capital Wasteland. "We've confirmed the location of the Super Mutants and the direction there heading in." he said gesturing to a Green Skull, and red line on the map. "We expect that they will reach Bigtown shortly after night fall."

His face took on a grim look. "Unfortunately a majority of our forces are still away from the citadel, so we lack the manpower to engage them before they reach the settlement. It's regrettable but we'll have to engage them after they've already cleared it out." He said with sadness and slight shame. "No, that's unacceptable we can't just stand back and let them be slaughtered." Randy protested with a shout. "Give me two paladins and I'll take them out, I can set traps ahead of their route to soften them up and then hit them from the sides with Missile launchers and a Fatman. After that we clean up with energy weapons and heavy damage ballistics." He said calmly and professionally hoping to sway him.

Lyon looked up and said "Listen, while that does sound like a good plan I simple can't risk my men's lives on an ambush that could go either way." Randy was about to respond when a paladin who had been stand off to the side stepped forward and Requested the permission to speak. "Go ahead star paladin Cross." Lyon said warmly. Paladin Cross stepped up to the table and stated passionately "I agree with Randy, we should attack before they have chance to attack Bigtown. It would be cowardly wait to engage only when we had numbers on our side."

"_Good, with some support from inside I'll have a better chance at convincing Lyon." _Randy Broke out of his thoughts and added "Also we can position ourselves so we'll attack them from opposite sides, I'll take the Behemoth while your men attack the others on the far end with missile launchers. After the first volley we'll switch to our prospective weapons of choice and eliminate them at will. If we get overwhelmed we can fall back to Bigtown and set mines at the entrance." Lyon sighed and looked up "Alright I'm convinced, go get knight captain Dusk and pickup some stimpacks before you go. Good luck out there, and Randy I'd like it if all my men came back alive, Dismissed."

As Randy and Cross exited the room randy tuned his head and asked where they would find this knight captain Dusk. "I believe he is in his courters, if not then he may have gone to knight captain Durga to have his equipment repaired" he answered in a thoughtful tone. Randy nodded "Alright, let's check out Durga first I need to get some equipment repaired." paladin Cross led Randy to a room where to Brother of Steel members where stood. one turned around and asked in a gruff voice "What is that local doing here star paladin Cross" Cross stepped forward and said "This is Randy Kaguya he will be leading us to take out a large group of super mutants heading toward a settlement to the northwest of the cita…" he was cut off be Dusk "Do you mean to tell me that where supposed take orders from this local who doesn't even know how to use power armor." he said in skeptically.

"Yes you are." Randy stated in a angry but even voice. "You've been ordered to obey my commands as we ambush a large group of mutants in an area I have fought super mutants in before. I'll be providing explosives and a Sergeant Slaughter robot I picked up recently. We move out as soon as I get my equipment repaired, any questions?" Knight Captain Dusk gave him a look over and decided that he was adequate for the situation. "No sir, I understood perfectly" Randy satisfied that the situation was under control; Randy removed his armor, combat Shotgun, missile launcher, Xuanlong assault rifle, and alien blaster from his pip boy. "How much to get all this fixed up" he questioned. Knight Captain Durga looked at the items and was about to give a answer when he stopped and picked up the alien blaster in awe. "Where did you get this?" He asked in an excited voice. "I found it next to crashed space ship and the corpse of an alien, along way north from here. It's not for sale, can you fix it any more than it already is." He said impatiently. "I can try. That will be 400 caps since I'm giving you a discount. I'll also throe in some plasma grenades, but only 3 of them." He said. Randy fished out the caps and Durga had his equipment repaired within 20 minutes. They left as soon as Randy had stored it all.

**Megaton 2:50 PM**

"Randy why are we stopping here?" Questioned star paladin Cross uncertainly. Randy responded calmly "I keep all of my best equipment at my house here. Weir going to pick some more ammunition and heavy weaponry, before we head off those mutants." He entered and was about to head up stairs when he noticed something disturbing. "Jericho why are in my house, are those my previously full bottles of vodka, and if so why shouldn't I hang you from your spine on my second floor railing." He said in an aggravated and threatening voice. Jericho turned around looking the same as ever (drunk) except there was a slight trace of fear.

"Hey Randy, now hear me out. When I heard about the super mutants on the radio at Moriarty's I did some thinking and decided that it would be better to join up with you instead of trying to find a group on my own. When I got here I noticed the vodka and figured that you would be clearing out any way so you wouldn't mind if I emptied a few. No harm done right." He said with a nervous but somehow cocky voice. Randy paused to think it over _"Let's see, on one hand Jericho's an ass who came in my house without my permission and raided my frig. He also expects me to abandon the town and take him with me. On the other hand he's an experienced former raider who's good with an assault rifle and I need every gunman I can get."_ Having made up his mind he turned his attention back to Jericho.

"Alright Jericho I'll let the vodka slide for now. Welcome to party, once we load up where heading north to take out those super mutants you heard about. Once their all dead we'll build a fairly large pile of cor…" he was cut off by Jericho yelling "Are you insane. You heard how many of those ugly basterds there are. It'd be suicide to attack them." Randy sighed and said calmly "Jericho I may be a Psychotic nutcase, but in no way am I underestimating the super mutants in question. I have a fatman( a Rocket launcher cable of firing minicher nuclear missiles), several missile launchers, a hoard of mines, and two Brother hood of steel members for support. With proper planning and a good ambush point we have a decent chance of eliminating them. If it comes to it we can always fall back and tend our wounds once we lose them.

Jericho calmed down and seemed to consider it. Finally he said "Alright, let's say I agree to this, what's in it for me." Randy smiled and said "Tell you what I'll let you take some weapons from either the battle field or from my own modest horde." "Can I take some from both." he asked greedily. "Randy responded "You can take 1 semi automatic two hand weapon, 1 semi automatic pistol and two melee weapons. After we win the battle you can take two large weapons and one energy weapon. Now let's go up stairs." Randy led them upstairs to his bedroom. Once he was sure his body blocked their view. He entered a ten digit number into a security pad behind the desk. He had paid Moira Brown to help him install it when he ran out of places to store loot. As the number registered he floor under the bed rose up to reveal stairs.

"I built this place when I ran out of places to hide things." Randy said in a conversational tone. The room was large; it was as long as the whole house and about half as wide as the entire first floor of the actual building. It had a second floor at the same level of the one they had just left. The room was filled with weapons a portion of the wall was covered in melee weapon racks, various containers which opened at the top or front where stacked against the wall. On closer observation it appeared that some had been marked with abbreviations such as SG, or AS, thou most were unmarked. A small room with thick metal walls stood in one corner, and the sign above the door read "Explosives, heh heh, ha ha ha HAA HAAA!" Randy said "Jericho pick your weapons lets go." Randy moved to the explosives. Once inside he began remove 19 frag mines and 4 mini nukes. With these safely stored in his pip boy, he made his way over to a wall at the far end near the second set of stairs.

Once there he removed the only Big gun not left to sit in a pile on the floor. "is that the Fatman you mentioned" questioned paladin Cross. Randy looked fondly at the weapon in his hands before responding "yes, it's a one of a kind Fatman that the US government were experimenting with before the bombs fell. I call it Keller's Girth (It is the Experimental MIRV Fatman mentioned in the weapons index)." He loaded Keller's Girth and stood up. "Alright let's move out, Cross take this, It's far more lethal than your laser rifle." Randy said handing paladin Cross the Alien Blaster. "Thank you I will use it well." After they sealed the entrance and locked his front door, they began to move north.

**Capital Wasteland Area 5 North of Bigtown 6:37 PM**

"_We arrived just in time." _Randy thought as he watched the super mutant's approach the ambush point. They had found a spot along the path the mutants were supposed to following where 2 outcrops of rock stood opposite each other. As the mutants moved closer randy was able to count them and identify their type. There were 32 in all, spread out in tight groups. Besides the Behemoth there were 14 super mutants, 12 super mutant brutes, 3 super mutant geniuses, and 2 Super Mutant overlords. The largest group was lead by the overlord who held a chain like leash; the other end was strapped to the behemoth neck. Both were surrounded by 7 super mutants and 5 super mutant Brutes, two of which had Missile Launchers. The next group consisted of the other overlord, 2 of the super mutant geniuses, 5 brutes and 2 super mutants. The final group was in the back. It looked like the remaining five super mutants were pulling a large sled full of corpse bags and 3 live captives. 2 brutes walked along the sides while the final super mutant genius walked in front.

He turned on the transmitter that knight Dusk had given him and said "Alright here is the plan; I'm going to leave the transmitter on. When I say go you, Cross and Jericho are going to fire your Missile Launchers at the other overlord and the two geniuses. At the same time I'll fire Keller's Girth at the Behemoth and that first Overlord. Tell Cross to focus on taking out the Overlord while you finish off the super mutant Geniuses. After that get behind cover, but pop out every few seconds to shoot any grenades they throe. Don't let them get their hands on the missile launcher that the soon to be dead brutes are holding. Don't fire more than one volley of missiles unless they start to flee. I don't want any getting away."

"Understood, are you sure that you can take out that behemoth in one shot?". Randy laughed and responded "Trust me Dusk, It'll get the job done. My only worry is that there won't be enough of its head left for me to mount on my wall." With that said Randy lapsed into silence and shifted to aiming at the Behemoth. _"The next half-an-hour is going to be amazing" _Randy thought with a smile as he pulled the trigger. If only he knew how right he was.

**Mean while in the Naruto Universe**

Naruto had just made a shadow clone to create the rasengan. The stand-in hoshikage Akihoshi had gone insane and merged the star with his own body most of the shinobi had fled now. Only Rock Lee, Neji Hyuuga, Mizore, Tenten and Hokuto remained. Naruto charged forward rasengan in hand. Akihoshi countered by having the dragon made of star chakra unleash a blast at the blond, but Naruto pressed on thru. "Rasengan" he shouted, unleashing the deadly attack directly into the star. The explosion that resulted tore Akihoshi apart and catapulted Naruto away.

"_It's over. Now everyone's safe from the star." _thought Hokuto. "Yosh, well done Naruto, the Flames of Youth burn ever stronger within your righteous heart." Yelled Lee. Meanwhile Neji was rapidly thinking. _"He just destroyed thing we were hired to protect. It was the right thing to do but a failed mission is a failed mission. How do I explain this to lady Tsunade, damn you Naruto." _He finished remembering her temper. Any further thoughts or actions were prevented by the shock the expanding dust cloud that resulted from the explosion imploded. As It all disappeared a great gaping vortex of green and purple energy was revealed. _"what is that" _thought Neji activating his Byakugan. With his Byakugan active he could see that the whirling maelstromwas formed of star chakra and a green chakra that was strangely similar to it.

Suddenly the suction of the strange green and purple rift increased. Neji's eyes widened as he thought _"It's not safe to remain here any longer."_ "Lee grab Mizore and move him to safety. Tenten you get Hokuto out of here." "You can count on me" Lee said and rushed to Mizore. Tenten simply said "Got it." Neji moved toward Sumaru, Intending to pick him up before going to get Naruto. The suction increased again, small rocks and bits of wood were pulled into the air. Suddenly Natsumi's Translucent chakra form swept down from the other side of the rift and swooped down to pick Sumaru. She then turned in His destination. Meanwhile Tenten had made it to Hokuto and began to shake her violently "Hey snap out of it, up and at um, this isn't the time to lie around." Hokuto woke up and said in a dazed voice "huh what… what's going on. What is that?" her took on an alarmed tone near the end. "How should I know, we need to move, let's go already." Tenten said standing up. "R-right." Hokuto responded shakily. Meanwhile Natsumi had deposited Sumaru in Neji's hands.

Neji took Sumaru and turned around trusting her to arrive in time to save Naruto when the suction increased again. It became necessary to apply chakra to his feet to move forward, larger rocks and pieces of wood were picked up in the air. One particularly long piece flew directly towards Tenten and Hokuto but was high enough in the air for them to duck under it, right into the path of a pair of rocks. One struck Tenten in the face dazing her while the other struck Hokuto in the gut winding her and causing her to lose concentration . Both flew back rolling a few yards before being picked up by the winds Generated by the rift. Neji was just getting Sumaru to safety, he turned and ran towards the girls but not before yelling "Lee stay away from here you aren't able to use chakra so you'll just get sucked in." meanwhile Natsumi had managed to get around only to find that she was too late naruto was in the air barreling toward s the entrance. Desperately diving in she was still ten feet away when naruto entered. Almost at the same time Hokuto and Tenten were also sucked in.

Neji had stopped shocked _"I failed you Tenten"_ a second Later Natsumi appeared, see that naruto was not in her grip Neji relised that Naruto must have also gone in. "Tenten, and Naruto how.." tears began to gather in his eyes but he ignored them when he noticed movement with his Byakugan. Moving quickly he barely managed to intercept Lee. "Lee what you doing." "I'm going to go in there and bring back our youthful companions. Lee said with tears in his eyes. Neji's gaze hardened "No Lee there's no guarantee you'll be able to come back or that you'll even survive. We need to get out of here there's nothing we can do for them now." Neji said his vioce cracking at the end. Lee shook his head defiantly and said "NO I won't abandon them." He made to move forward but was stopped by several quick Juken thrusts to the stomach . "Neji…" Lee said before passing out. "Sorry Lee." Neji said, regret and slight self loathing in his voice. "I can't lose you as well." So saying he began to move away.

Meanwhile Natsumi hovered a few yards above the Rapidly collapsing Rift, attempting to use Chojaku Jutsu to Identify whether their Chakra signatures still existed inside the vortex of Chakra. I was difficult doo to the Sheer amount of Chakra but she was able to get a slight reading. Of the Bun haired girl she could sense nothing, but she could since the altered Chakra of the girl who had undergone the star training, and the resilient chakra of Naruto Uzumaki. Smiling she turned around and flew to the Hyuuga boy. Meanwhile Neji was thinking of how he was going to tell lady Tsunade and Sakura about Naruto's death, or how he would ever be able to look Guy sensei in face after this when Natsumi landed beside him. As he looked up at her he was seized by the urge to blame her., after all if she hadn't stolen the star none of this would have happened. He suppressed the urge, blaming her would not bring his comrades back. "What is it?" he asked his voice strained. To answer him she carved words into the tree they stood next to.

The words read "I was able to since their chakra signatures, their still alive, where ever that rift leads to is where you'll find them. Neji face took on shock again before transforming to happiness _"there alive, there alive!" _He turned to the riftintent on getting thru, only to see it close. Neji ground out "No damn it." He calmed himself. "have to think rationally, now they could be anywhere. I should head back to the village and inform lady tsunade. She will dispatch search teams, and inform friendly nations. I also need to get lee treated for Juken wounds I gave him earlier. His mind set he turned to Natsumi bowing and saying "Thank you!" before picking up lee and running toward the Konoha. He had to hurry they could very well be in serious danger , especially if they were in an unfriendly shinobi territory. There was only one thing on his mind besides desperate thoughts of how to find his comrades. "Why is it that whenever naruto is on a mission, it always gets more complicated than it should be. It's probably bad karma from all those pranks, or maybe his loud voice annoys Kami ."

"**It's done, the first chapter of my first story is done."**

"**I hope that I did well enough to earn some positive reviews and tips from my fellow intellectuals who enjoy reading. This is my first story so please rate it based on story content and how interesting it is, rather than on grammar or character Ocness.**

**Now before I go I would like to offer anyone who would be interested in having one of their OCs giving a disclaimer please feel free to request so in your reviews. It would save me the trouble going back in time to save the six tail Jinchuriki. Also I'm sorry about the lack of detailed fighting there will be a lot in the next chapter. **

**A sudden crash was herd against the wall "Give me the damn chocolate you Bitchy Redhead sound whore." "over my fuking dead body, there's No way I'm giving the last fricking Chocolate Almond to some mother fuking silver-eyed cunt-licking bitch." Randy turned around "Ophelia and Tayuya are finally going at it." He said excitedly "Sorry got to go, REVIEW."**


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